Separation

     I finished One and the Same today and now I'm going to go through and talk about it. One chapter that was especially important to me was Making the Break. This chapter focused on separation.
     Separation is something that almost everyone has an opinion on. And for the most part people believe that it should happen sooner rather than later. People don't like it when twins are together at what they deam "too old". Reading this chapter I went through a range of emotions. I felt like I was wrong and that there was something wrong with me (not an unfamiliar feeling from past conversations). And then I felt like separation might be possible someday without absolutely catastrophic results.
     This chapter discussed how twins will split their characteristics between the two of them and then see no need to develop the other stuff, they don't feel the need to have a full range of characteristics. I definitely think this is something that Melissa and I do. I don't feel as comfortable when I'm alone. And I think that comes from never really being alone. I find it much easier to let my personality out when she is around and I find it much easier to interact with people. So this made complete sense when I read it. It's like two separate people united to make one single person. I hope that makes sense.
     Another comment that I found comforting was this chapter said that "the break" often doesn't happen in adolescence but in adulthood. This was surprising to me because everyone seems to think that it should happen as soon as possible.Another point twins that were interviewed made was that they had lived in separate cities and been apart from each other for years, but they actually "separated" when they were together. They needed to be together to actually break apart from each other. This is very comforting because like I said, I don't necessarily want to HAVE to separate from Melissa in order to find out who I am.
     Melissa is literally my other half. She is my protector and the person who I am closest too. We know each other better than anyone else and have never known being alone. In a way I think we are separate people. Or at least working towards it. But we need to do it in our own way and in our own time. It may seem like it's not really happening for some people, but those people don't know what it's like to be a twin.

My New Obsession

"Being an identical twin - I can't speak for fraternals - is intense. It's all the cliches: feeling like you have an unwavering partner in life, knowing exactly what another person feels, wanting to tell her a story before anyone else, confiding with unrestrained - sometimes shocking - candor, valuing her opinion above anyone else's, taking on someone else's pain to the point of vicarious depression, being incapacitated by a minor dispute." - Abigail Pogrebin, One and The Same

     I'm definitely becoming obsessed with this. I've gone through phases where I've wanted to know everything there is to know about twins. I think I've always been trying to answer questions about Melissa and myself. Recently I found myself on StumbleUpon and I put "twins" into the stumble thing, just for fun. I stumbled across the interview on NPR with Abigail Pogrebin and that was the start. When I told Melissa about it, the first thing she said was "I think that's the book you wanted before." She was absolutely right. I did want this book when it first came out. But it was too expensive and I decided that I didn't need it at the time. Perhaps it is fate that I have come across it again after forgetting all about it before. Maybe I will be able to take more from it now than I would have two years ago. I just can't help but think that I came across this at just the right time. I have a lot of questions and I'm hoping this book can either answer them or put me on the right path to answering them myself. Definitely my new life consuming interest.

One and the Same

     Abigail Pogrebin talking about her book One and the Same. I just ordered it and I can't wait to read it. Listening to this I find myself relating to so much of what she says. I love it. I'm excited to read the book in its entirety.
     Listening to this makes me feel less alone in the world. It makes me feel like less of a freak. It is "normal" when you are a twin for these things to happen and for things to be different from singletons. That is how listening to this makes me feel. It makes me feel like there is a community of people out there that does understand what it is like to be a twin and face the struggle of being an independent person and fitting into society while still having a twin and being so connected to them all at the same time. It provides some comfort to hear the stories of twins that are much older than me and how they dealt with the struggles and how they dealt with life and growing up and growing apart and such.
     One thing that always bothers/scares me is that adult twins say that they miss how things were when they were younger. I'm so afraid that I am going to lose my connectedness with Melissa. I don't want to lose it. It is my most important relationship. I think this is something that I'm going to have to deal with at some point. I just hope that we can find a way to keep our connectedness and at the same time be able to take our own paths in life. Perhaps this is one of the biggest dilemmas and one of the main things that is keeping us from becoming independent of each other. I just always makes me sad to hear twins say that. Why do you have to lose something to gain something else? What if what you gain isn't as good as what you lost?

Background

"Sometimes it's tough having a twin. The love is so intense but so is the hate." (Nicholas Brendon)



     So for some background. I'm an identical twin. I'm 19. My sister and I go to the same college. We room together and we love it. We fight and we bicker but we wouldn't have it any other way. Everyone seems to have an opinion when it comes to twins, but I'm trying to figure out what works for me. I always hear about how I'm not normal and I feel like everyone wants me to be "normal". Well I'm not normal. Nothing about my up bringing has been "normal". I think twins are special, perhaps I'm a bit biased. I think it's a special bond that other people don't understand. It's not something you can understand by looking at it. It goes way deeper than that. Being a twin is a special experience that has it's ups and downs, its pros and its cons, but it is still special and unique. It's something not everyone has.
     The pros of having a twin include a full time best friend. My sister is someone who is always there for me no matter what. She doesn't always agree with me and sometimes we don't understand why the other is feeling a certain way but we are there for each other. We push eachother. No one wants to be the twin that doesn't measure up. And it's not necessarily wanting to be the same as your twin, it's wanting to be better than them. This is good in terms of exercise. You don't want to be the twin that is potentially sitting around and getting fat, so you start exercising too. Or grades, sports, money, etc. It is a constant competition. The twin bond is also the strongest bond anyone can share.
     The cons are the emotions are very strong. As the quote above says. You love each other and can't live without eachother, but at the same time when you disagree on something it can get very bitter and mean. There is also the issue of dependence on each other. Being emotionally crippled and things like that.
     To me, the pros far out weigh the cons. I've never known anything different. I love being a twin.

Melissa and I

Me and my twin sister Melissa. :)