My Brief Stint as a Message Board Addict

     I used to be on message boards all the time. I guess they provided a community I didn't have, or didn't think I had, at the time. It was mostly when I was a freshman and sophomore in high school. They were my life. I obsessed over my screen name. I recognized people on the boards. E-mailed some of them. It was back in the days of Myspace, so I was "friends" with some people on there. It's so interesting how being online can make you feel like you aren't so alone. Being on a message board you are surrounded by people who are interested in the same things you are. I definitely needed to feel less alone my freshman year. But I go on that same message board know and I realize that I don't know anyone any more. And I have to realize that that part of my life is over. I'm glad that it is though. 

     I had lost my best friend. My life felt like it was falling apart. And I guess it might be kind of pathetic, but going on the Grey's Anatomy message boards gave me somewhere to go. It gave me somewhere to be okay and if I wasn't okay, that was okay too. No one knew me. No one knew how I went from being a happy, care free teenager to a constantly crying, angry, self harming teenager. On the message boards I wasn't anyone. I was faceless. I got to show people what I wanted to show them. In "real" life I wear my heart on my sleeve. I can't really hide how I am feeling at any given moment. But online I don't have to reveal anything. I really liked that. No one had to think I was "crazy" and losing it. 

     This time of my life has shaped how I experience relationships and how I deal with stress, sadness, and disappointment. It has made me question everything about myself. A lot of the time I forget that I had this community though. People from all over who were equally as obsessed with the happenings of a fictional drama. Maybe it was a way of escaping for me. A way to get away from all the pain I was feeling at school and that was carrying over to home. Anyway, I'm glad that I had that place. A place for me to feel a little better and a little like I belonged. I'm glad that I don't need that now though. 

     Now I feel like I have enough of a support system from the people I can talk to face-to-face. I feel like I don't need an online community as much. I also feel like a lot of the people that were on the Grey's boards at the same time as me aren't there anymore. I also don't watch the show, so I wouldn't be on those boards anyway. I guess I'm just thinking all of this because for some reason I was compelled to go look at the message boards. They're way different from when I was on there and the people either aren't the same or they've changed their names. But I don't need that community anymore. I'm lucky enough to have awesome people in my life now that I didn't feel like I had when I was a freshman in high school. This whole post seems almost pointless, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that an online community can be so important for people (I see this on tumblr now) and that I'm happy that I'm not in that place anymore.