Freakshow Coming Through

     My recent move to Brooklyn has meant more subway rides and therefore an increase in stares from fellow commuters. I am a walking freakshow. Why? One might ask. The reason is that I am a twin. We live together, go to school together, and sometimes work together. So we are together a lot. And this means that people are going to look at us and comment on our looks. We've gotten every reaction from excited to horrified (which I don't understand). It always confuses me when people look scared when they see us. Usually people say "That's so cute!" even though we're 21 and perhaps past the "cute" stage. In any case, some people just look wildly amused and don't say anything. Other people look terrified.
     It is interesting to have people recognize me. I was very used to it in my hometown. I grew up there, my parents are from there, my extended family lives there. Everyone knows everyone. Anyway, after 3 years of kicking around college it seems I'm also known for being a twin here, in this big old city. This is an example from home, but we had just turned 21 and couldn't go to the pediatrician anymore. So we're going to our new doctors office and when we get there the receptionist had "heard twins were coming." At a doctors office? Twins are this exciting? Is it because we're adult twins? I suspect this might be it. We've been on the street and a woman pointed us out to her probably 8 year old daughter. We're a freakshow because we walk around together I guess way past when people expect to see twins wandering around together. It doesn't help that we dress pretty similarly.
     Part of me loves this attention. It's nice to be noticed. But it's also a little strange and sometimes I don't want to be a walking form of entertainment. Now, I get excited when I see multiples. I think it's amazing. I love when I see other twins. But I also feel this sense of being a freakshow. Why is it so strange to see two people who look alike together? Along this branch, I feel like I rarely see adult twins together, but when I do I get even more excited. I feel that maybe they can relate to me on a "twin level."
     For example, Tegan and Sara Quin. They are twins who make up the band Tegan and Sara. I love their music but I also love their relationship. I do not know them personally (I wish) but the way they talk about each other and their twinship in interviews resonates with me so much. I think on a celebrity level (and maybe a twin level) they can relate to being gawked at. Anyway, their relationship also speaks to me as a twin. It makes me feel less strange and alone for so many reasons. Their music is amazing and speaks to me on other levels too.
     I have many conflicting feelings about being a walking, talking freakshow. Part of me loves it and part of me wants to be left alone. I just want to blend in. I am so indecisive that I will continue to field interesting stares and glances and out right comments. Perhaps this has to do with not feeling special when I am just me. Because I am special when I am with my sister and people let me know.

Here's to many more awkward stares and fun questions and interesting conversations!