In the Dark

     Under the cover of darkness anything is possible. It is easier to do things than in the light. It is easier to admit feelings or act on them. In the dark barriers come down. We do things we might not do otherwise or things we want to do but don't have the courage to do during the day. It's almost like being drunk or inebriated in some other way - but it's not. The darkness doesn't erase memories, it just makes them easier to avoid. The dark makes it easier to kiss someone or touch them. It makes it easier to ignore implications or potential consequences. In the dark it feels safe to let what you feel show.

     The darkness shields us. I don't usually feel safe in the dark, but being with certain people can make me feel infinitely safe - my parents, my sister, and some of my friends. The darkness provides this level of protection that we all need. Things that happen at night seem like a dream. You have to keep reminding yourself that whatever happened actually did happen - it wasn't just a dream - and then feel everything come rushing over you again and again.

     The things we do in the safety of the dark are real. They don't go away when the sun comes up. But they do go to the back of our minds. We can ignore them or pretend they didn't happen. But how long can we do that? I can't do it for long and I don't want to. I've let the dark protect me before, we all have. But I want clarity. The dark can make things messy. It allows us to lead a double life of sorts. I don't want to do this again. Leading a double life will eventually crash and burn. The dark provides a temporary cover, a temporary shield. It gives us protection for a little while, but it doesn't last. After a while the things that the we do in the darkness aren't protected anymore. The darkness eventually stops shielding us and starts to make us crazy. And when that time comes, we're screwed.