The Lyrics

     When you died over two years ago I lost what I call "the lyrics". Before you died music was constantly running through my head. I was always writing lyrics down, always listening to songs. When you died, they stopped. The lyrics weren't in my head anymore. I was listening to a song when I found out. Maybe that's why. Maybe I was just so sad that there wasn't any room in my head. But long after you were gone they still did not come back. Losing you was awful. You were the first person that I lost that was close to me. You were my grandmother and I couldn't conceive a world where you did not exist. People did not die in my life. I was 18 and I just wanted you to see me graduate and move to New York. I wanted you to be there to see Justin graduate or even drive. You did not make it though. Although as Justin said at his baseball game right after you died - you've had the best seat in the house these last 2 years. I was so heartbroken when you died that the music that I so loved died too.
     I still listened to music. But the lyrics wouldn't float around my head all day at my disposal. I would have to try very hard to recall any snippet of lyrics. And these were lyrics that I loved. I wrote them all over everything. My physics binder is covered in lyrics. I have pages with lyrics and little doodles to go with them all over the place. But when you died in April that stopped. And then my childhood friend died and then my uncle. And the lyrics have been missing. They have been missing since April 29th, 2010 and things have just added to it.
     I think that things might be getting better though. The other day I caught lyrics going through my head. And I was surprised because that hasn't happened in a really long time. I don't remember what they were but I remember they were there. And even as I'm writing this lyrics have gone through my head. They are starting to come back. Maybe this means I'm happy again. I think it does. I think it means that my life is going really well at the moment. I feel like me again.