Out of Control

     I've lost control of my life. It's barely even mine anymore. It belongs to everyone around me. I am their charge. Ever since I got home I've felt completely out of control. I can't seem to get a grip. I can't seem to regain control of my life. It's scary and stressful. It's frustrating. I'm worried constantly. I worry about money all the time. I worry about everything. I worry about pleasing everyone. I worry about being good enough. I worry about my relationships with people. I worry about time. I worry about never finding myself. I wonder when this phase will end. I know I shouldn't wish any part of my life away. But I feel so lost and I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with it. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling like my life is in constant chaos. No matter what I do I can't seem to pick up all the pieces and put them back together. I can't wrap my mind around anything. And I know somewhere in the back of my head everything is going to work out and be okay. But I can't convince myself of this. I'm having a harder and harder time pulling myself back to reality. I'm not even sure I know what reality is anymore. I feel so far away from everything. Like there are things happening and I can't get to them. Everything feels all jumbled up inside my head. Usually I can keep everything separated and straight. But everything is nagging me. I've tried making 'to do' lists, but that doesn't really help. I can't stand feeling this out of it. I can't pin point my emotions. I don't know how to fix it. Take things one step at a time? Day by day? Hour by hour? I don't know how to manage my stress. I don't know how to get control back. And it's driving me crazy. It's pushing me over the edge.