Speaking with Caution

     I never tell people how I feel. I can't even tell a professor that I loved their class or that I learned so much from them. I can't even do this, so I definitely can't tell the people that mean the most to me, that they do. I can't tell someone that I love them. Not in the serious, I can't live without you way, let alone in an I want you way. 

     I feel like other people can do this so easily. They can walk up to someone and say "hey I like you". They have no problems talking to professors or people they look up to. I envy these people. They don't care if people know how they feel. They aren't afraid to just say what is on their mind and go for it.

     I don't do this. My friends mean the world to me. I couldn't live without them. The people that I surround myself with are the ones that keep me sane or insane, depending on your point of view. But I rarely if ever tell them this. I'm writing it here, but to say it out loud would be very difficult for me. If I felt something more for someone I would just assume take the secret to my grave. Vocalizing it would be too much for me to handle. 

     When we vocalize things it makes them real. It means that what you are saying is now a "thing". It's not just that thought in the way back of your mind that you had little to no intention of acknowledging. But then you say it. The words come out of your mouth, and sometimes you want to take them back before the sentence is even out. Other times it's a relief to finally tell someone else what has been on your mind. 

     Saying what we're feeling can lift the world off our shoulders or it can bury us under a ton of rock. I guess it depends on the person and the situation There are some situations where I can tell that what I say will either relieve me of a massive burden or make me wish I was buried under those rocks. Sometimes I can't tell at all. Those are the worst ones. Where you have to weigh the odds and risk ruining everything you've ever wanted. A situation where you can make things worse than if you'd just kept your mouth shut. I'm usually one to err on the side of caution, especially when it comes to people I love. So I'm not really one to say anything, if it could seriously change something. But by doing this, I'm just guessing as to what would happen if I did say something and I'll never know if that could make things better. That is the price we pay though. We have to make decisions that could change our lives forever, and what we say can decide one way or the other.