The Killer

     The killer is my irrational fear that someone or something is wandering around every corner and lurking in every dark space just waiting to get me. The killer is that bump in the night  - or day, the killer is the person who changed the book, the killer is the thing that tries to grab you as you leave a dark room, and the thing that pops up in the window after you shut the door and turn your back. The killer is always there - waiting.
     "The killer" started as a joke to kind of ease the tension when me or my sister was really scared of something - a noise, a funny shadow, an unexplained happening. We always say "the killer!" as if it will make us feel better. And it often does. It does relieve the fear and panic. Do I still check my entire house - yes. Do I lock the basement door - absolutely. Because what if the killer really is there? What if he is really real? Then what? I will carry blunt or sharp objects with me when I go to peep the scene.
     In my paranoid mind the killer could actually be there. He could be under my bed, in my closet, in the bathroom, outside my window. And he is always there. No matter what. He didn't used to be at school with me. But the longer I live somewhere the killer comes out. Even in a dorm - which is basically one room. My paranoia brings him there. It happened in my freshman dorm, the bathroom there, my sophomore dorm, the bathroom there and the closet. It is the worst in my own home because there are so many places for the killer to hide.
     I am afraid that he is hiding in the house waiting for me and my family to go to sleep and then he will strike. I create scenarios of where the killer is possibly hiding and why it makes sense that he would be hiding there. He would go to that part of the house because he can easily hide in the shadow or in that corner and he won't easily be seen. My mind goes wild with these plots. Which is terrifying. And now I've written this and I'm thinking about it. Scared. When I think about it too much it gets worse. It's like I bring my thoughts to my attention and realize how scary the situation can be. I can talk myself into being afraid of anything. This idea of "the killer" started as a way to calm and make light of a situation, but in the back of my mind the killer will always be real. Whoever or whatever it is.