We are a culture that blames the woman. We don't pay attention to the things that are wrong with the men, rather we focus on how clingy the woman is or how she needs to get her life together. Rather than saying the man in this story is a jerk who keeps ripping women around, who is controlling or aggressive. Instead of saying that we just idolize this man and wonder who will play him when the movie comes out.
I had a conversation with one of my best friends tonight about this. As a society we blame women for the problems in relationships. We think that they shouldn't bother with these gross men. Well maybe men shouldn't be such assholes. Hows that for a radical notion. We need to stop placing everything that goes wrong or everything that is dysfunctional on women. Don't get me wrong, I do think that women need to smarten up and start picking people that are right for them. People that will treat them right. No matter who you are attracted too, that person needs to treat you with respect and dignity and you should do the same for them.
But this is hardly every portrayed in movies or books. Instead we get an "overly clinging, doesn't have her shit together girl" and a "strong man" who happens to be an aggressive, controlling, cocky, asshole. And this is what our popular media tells us we should do. People bitch endlessly about how "oh she took her boyfriend back even though he cheated on her, or hit her, or did this or that" and we blame her for taking him back. This is what movies show! In any romantic movie you watch the plot is so predictable. They are going to get into a fight, break up, and then realize that they cannot live without each other. They second guess their decision. I truly believe that this is one of the reasons people get back together, even if it's not the best thing. Because this is what our movies, TV shows, and books show us.
There need to be more realistic relationships and characters portrayed in pop culture. And it needs to be shown to young kids. Because that is when our gender roles are instilled. We are brainwashed so young to know what society expects of us as either a boy or a girl and then for the rest of our lives those roles and ideas are enforced at every corner in every aspect of life.
We are a victim blaming culture. It was her fault - "she didn't say no loud enough", "she was wearing a short skirt or dress", "she had sex with him before", "SHE did this". It's never "HE did this to her and he is the bad guy for that". Or even in situations of same sex abuse, we still blame the victim. Because they were in the wrong somehow. They somehow asked for something terrible to happen to them.
My friend is a smart girl, she is aware of the way the world is. But we are all guilty of this. Of blaming the woman. The specific conversation I had was about 50 Shades of Grey and the Twilight series. Now if anyone doesn't know, 50 Shades of Grey started as fan-fiction of Twilight. So apparently the characters are pretty much the same. I've seen 2 Twilight movies and didn't really care for either one. I think they are ridiculous. I've also never read 50 Shades of Grey. I've just heard people talking about it. And my friend expressed how irritating the woman is in the series. She said she reminded her of Bella and so on. Basically the girl too needy and needs to figure out her life before she goes and has a relationship. Because these relationships are very unhealthy. I had to ask what the man was like. And she told me he was controlling - not a nice guy. Yet everyone I talk to fawns over him. They talk about who will play him in the movie. WHY DO WE LIKE THIS MAN? He sounds like a raging asshole to me. We idolize him and put him on a pedestal while being irritated with this woman. Why do we want our men to be aggressive and controlling. I for one would like to be in charge of my own life. Society blames her for being to clingy. Well people, it's time to wake up because she may be clingy, but that doesn't change the fact that he is controlling and generally disgusting. He obviously doesn't treat her with respect.
We need to stop doing this as a society. The cycle has to end. Children shouldn't be taught to idolize the tough guy who doesn't respect them. Women need to smarten up and realized that they deserve better than an asshole like Christian Grey. Men need to start being taught to treat women with dignity and respect. Actually the human race could use a lesson in this. We don't treat a lot of people the way the should be treated. And that is not okay. It is not okay to deny people the right to marry, it is not right to try and cut down women's rights every chance you get, it is not right to teach hate and fear of others. There are bad people in this world and they deserve what they get. We need to start consciously thinking about the way we talk about things and who the bad guys really are.
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